Through the Fringes
by The Bride of Bronn
Summary: It first touched his consciousness like silk draping across the iron cage that was Erik Lenhsherr's mind. It was so gentle that it barely scraped him at all, yet its echo doubtlessly caressed the hinges as if it knew just the right amount of pressure to make them stop from jangling in madness.
1. Heard

For my friend Elena.

* * *

**Through the Fringes**

**Chapter 01**

**HEARD**

* * *

It first touched his consciousness like silk draping across the iron cage that was Erik Lenhsherr's mind. It was so gentle that it barely scraped him at all, yet its echo doubtlessly caressed the hinges as if it knew just the right amount of pressure to make them stop from jangling in madness.

"You need to let go," it whispered, absolute and resonant in pitch and sincerity. The sound filled him everywhere at once. "I know how much this means to you, but if you don't let go, you'll drown."

Somehow Erik felt that it wasn't just talking about the fact that they were floating underwater and that he needs to completely loosen his magnetic grip on the submarine where his greatest foe was escaping in. Erik didn't and couldn't do it. The strong currents of his rage vibrated at the tips of his fingers, begging for relief. But then he felt the voice soothing and smoothening everything that was creased and crooked inside him for the first time in a long time and he suddenly found himself lacking in strength to hold on. With a whimper, he let it go, and that was when he was pulled up to the surface of the ocean by protective arms that felt far too familiar to belong to a stranger.

Erik disengaged himself and turned around to meet the face of this untimely intrusion of a man. "What the hell did you just do to me?" he shouted, angry and terrified in ways he could not understand. "Who are you?"

The man across him looked to be about the same age as he, with shockingly blue eyes that are hard to stare into. He answered. "Like you, I have my own tricks." He swam closer to Erik but the other man visibly flinched away. Not discouraged, the blue-eyed stranger continued talking. "I'm Charles Xavier, and I'm a telepath. You need to calm your mind."

Erik watched him for a moment, trying to make sense of the proof that there are others like him who are…_different_ than normal folk.

"I thought I was alone…" Erik trailed off.

"You're not alone." Charles Xavier reached out a hand and tucked it under Erik's chin so they could stare into each other's eyes.

_Erik_, the telepath's lips were not moving, but Erik can now hear the voice in his head, and it sounded weirdly affectionate. _You're not alone_.

* * *

"What do you know about me?" Erik didn't like Charles Xavier one bit.

He didn't like the way the telepath would slip through the fringes of his private thoughts every now and then, and how Erik doesn't seem to want to fight it at all which he believed is also Charles' doing. He must have also cast some sort of spell.

Erik would never like him. He would never trust him. Charles is on a mission to fix people as if everyone who is broken can be salvaged; as if no damage is ever permanent. Erik knew the truth better than anyone, and so he hated what this idyllic, self-righteous martyr of a man stood for. His every act of compassion burns Erik's own open wounds far worse than any cruel maltreatment he had over the years. He'd rather have the pain and anger than whatever this strange new perceptions that Charles Xavier seem to inspire in anyone who is in close proximity.

—especially _feelings_ that Erik is starting to have when he's around…

"What do I know about you?" Charles approached him, holding his gaze with those mesmerizing blue eyes. He stopped within three yards away from Erik as he replied. "Everything."

"Then you know to stay the hell out of my head."

"You're not ugly and difficult to love, Erik."

Now Erik had to glare at him. "I didn't say—I didn't even think that!"

"I felt it," Charles offered a smile so warm it made Erik even angrier.

"What's the difference?" Erik shot back. "Reading minds is not the same as feeling the things a person does despite whatever magnitude and depth your powers may have. Don't claim that you feel what I feel just because you sensed them with your mutant telepathy. That is not enough!"

Charles silently looked at him with pity and it made Erik want to punch some sense into him. The telepath must have read that because he took a step away and then sighed, his expression now turning into disappointment, like Erik is some child whose petulance he found so disconcerting.

"Don't stop me from leaving." Erik demanded, half-threatening.

"I will never do that," Charles smiled again. "You are free to choose any path even if that path only brings you darkness and misery, Erik."

"You saw my past and you know certain secrets I never divulge with anyone," Erik said, "But don't think that means I trust you and I want you anywhere near me. In fact, sometimes being around you makes me sick."

"I know it does," Charles replied. "That's why I try to lower the gauge of my powers but your…emotions, Erik, are so strong that I pick them up anyway. It's also quite distressing to me. Those nights when you are up and couldn't sleep? Well, I'm just across the other hallway, plagued by your nightmares as well."

That new information was definitely unsettling. "All the more reason we can't be around each other then," Erik began to walk away.

"And what makes you so sure that I don't want to be around you, surrounded by your demons, when I know it's the best place for me to help you fight them?" Charles was following him now, ignoring whatever negativity from Erik's responses. As mild-mannered as he may be, the man is quite persistent and forceful when he's dead-set on driving a point home.

"Stop trying to make yourself some sort of ally to me," Erik answered.

"I am your friend, Erik," Charles countered. "And I'm sorry but you are starting to like me. I can sense its sharpness burrowing deep in my skull." He pointed at his left temple to emphasize the location.

"But you mistake it for mere annoyance and misdirected rage only because you have never liked anyone before. But you do now," he paused and waited for Erik to turn around and face him. As soon as he did, Charles smiled widely. _You like me, Erik_, he took another step closer as his words pierced through Erik's mind, heavy with conviction. _And I like you_.

Erik tried not to hurl on the spot. The other man's smugness is grating by now, but he wouldn't give him the satisfaction. He walked away again.

* * *

"Well," Charles turned to look at his new friend from the armchair. "I can see that you decided to stay with us after all."

Instead of glaring like he often does whenever Charles would speak to him, Erik was slightly smirking as he met the telepath's gaze. Charles returned it with his usual courteous smile that's not entirely honest. Erik still stood there unmoving, so Charles tried to softly probe through the weak edges in the other man's mind which always felt like worn-out soles of shoes. He pressed his gauge in those soft places, testing their durability before he digs in deeper. Surprisingly enough, Erik was letting him. Charles could tell by the way he never disengaged eye contact the entire time.

Unlike with a lot of people whose minds are filled with thoughts expressed in language and words, the expanse of Erik's mind are composed of visuals, often painted in darker hues than the average man's. Charles sifted through them, restraining himself from opening some doors that he could feel Erik would rather have locked and tucked away for good. In his search this time, Charles felt a crackle of mild electricity somewhere in Erik's fortress and it beckoned him to touch the fringe which Charles didn't do, in fear of the scorching that might come after. It later occurred to him that it was exactly what Erik intended. He wanted to hurt Charles when he exposed him that delicate vein, believing that wounding him when their minds would melt is the best way to keep him out of there next time.

Erik couldn't have known that Charles had many experiences with resistant minds before, though to be fair none of them had the scars that Erik sustained. Still, Charles was not one to give up on a good challenge.

And Erik is proving to be the kind of steel that Charles can temper with a little more patience and grace on his part.

* * *

Erik feared for Charles' sanity the moment he donned that terrifying Cerebro helmet which Hank reassured them would help amplify his powers so he could locate other mutants across the country. He joked about Charles being an adorable lab rat, but the truth behind such a remark was humorless. Erik did not dwell on it in fear of suddenly projecting his thoughts in Charles, especially when he had that ridiculous helmet on.

It worked after a few minutes right after Charles screamed and Erik almost wanted to yank the helmet away until he saw Charles grinning in a way he hasn't witnessed before. He was enjoying it. Whatever surge of power that helmet is producing, Charles was ecstatic to absorb it and it made Erik very uncomfortable. He had known for a while that Charles was not as kind and harmless as he makes himself to be around friends and acquaintances but this was the first time Erik found something to validate that. Charles did enjoy having control over people's minds. He does relish on his ability to find a passage into a person's innermost dwellings without permission or worrying about the consequence of such intrusion. And Erik watched that unfold before him now, finally seeing Charles Xavier in a darker hue than the rest.

But Charles was still right about what he said the other night. Erik does like him. He likes him because he was just as mad and twisted as Erik was and yet impressively enough, he will never cave in to this awful truth.

Charles looked straight at him this time, and his blue eyes have a wilder tinge that Erik was quick to latch onto with his own gaze. Charles smiled again, probably because of the surge of electrical currents running through his skull and making him see images from across a variety of projectors. But Erik could tell Charles can still see him through the haze of the heightened and unmistakable euphoria of his mental prowess converging and diverging in a simultaneous symphony. He offered a look of invitation which Erik refused presently. It felt too intimate, and personal space is something he needed to keep secure every time he's in the presence of this telepath.

When it was all over and they managed to collect enough names to track down so they can encourage them to join their cause, Erik approached Charles and asked to speak to him in the corner while the rest of the younger ones were walking out. It was clear that Charles was still recovering from the adrenaline rush and sensory pleasure he received from the Cerebro which only made Erik more worried if not slightly irritated.

"We should head out soon," Erik began to explain. "The locations are far away from each other and we don't have that much time to spare."

"My friend, we always have time," Charles didn't sound like he was a part of this conversation at all. He was miles away, still reeling from what he had undergone. Erik was getting even more annoyed.

"Snap out of it, would you, Charles?" He grabbed the other man's arm and squeezed warningly. "You're all over the place."

Charles looked at him now, a faint smile still creeping in. It made his usually soft blue eyes intense and alert all of a sudden. "Am I? Can you tell? It's funny how that expression is only figurative when it can be quite literal. Here, allow me." Charles reached out, probably to graze a finger on Erik's cheek which the other man immediately ducked away from. He kept a firm hold on Charles' arm, however. He burrowed his fingernails on skin, trying to dissuade him from further physical contact on his end. Charles only chuckled.

"You're always tense, Erik." Charles remarked. "And I've been in your head. There are spikes in your mind, did you know? I'd often cut myself."

"Well, I'm glad you're bleeding." Erik replied, his voice hoarse from unexpected exhaustion. "It serves you right for being a damn voyeur."

Charles blinked at his words. "I just want to show you what I saw when I had the Cerebro on. The lights and sounds. Others like us, seeking solace, reaching for the nearest source of serenity and peace of mind…" His other hand was moving toward Erik again but this time Erik waited for it to make contact. It landed on his shoulder, his fingers splayed there rather awkwardly but with unmistakable tenderness. Charles closed his eyes and breathed in. Erik watched the calm expression on the telepath's face and wondered why it was making his stomach hurt a bit.

"You are not the easiest of men to get along with, my friend," Charles continued to speak. "But it seems to me that the more you insist on shutting me out," he opened those blue eyes and stared into Erik's. "The more you actually want to let me in. So here," the hand on his shoulder moved down and rested on his chest. "Feel the world quake around us while I show you the rest it has to offer through the eyes of other mutants who long for some sort of connection, however faint and solitary it may be…"

Erik opened his mouth to say something but he couldn't think anymore. Charles was invading the spaces of his consciousness again and before he could resist it, the noises and images flooded his senses with an overwhelming force that would have drowned him if it wasn't for Charles carrying him through the violent streams. Erik kept his eyes firmly shut as he slowly stopped struggling from this maddening experience that was essentially grinding and pulling him apart the more he gives into it. There was hardly anything pleasurable about it though. All he felt from those mutants were the same feelings he had held onto all these years; ugly yet comfortable emotions that kept him together like grief and fury, loneliness and desperation. What exactly did Charles feel otherwise when he was in their heads if not these things? In the back of his own mind, Erik let out a whimper as if to plead for Charles to uproot him from the darkness. The telepath heard him and transported him back to their plane of reality in no time.

"Do you understand now, Erik?"

Erik answered as he took a few steps back so he could be ready to walk out of there, disgusted with what just transpired between them. "You take pleasure in other people's desolation, you sick, psycho fuck!"

Charles did not move or give any indication that he was shocked by what Erik said. Instead, he replied, "You completely missed the point of that exercise." He was walking towards Erik now and Erik was prepared to punch him. Charles anticipated it, of course, so he stopped just ten yards away from the other man. "I wanted to show you that you are not alone, and by that I don't only mean as a mutant. There are others who share your feelings of loss and inadequacy. Countless of them even, trudging along their pitiful lives, hoping one day someone will break them out of their shells."

"And you appointed yourself as that, like the narcissistic asshole that you are!" Erik was shouting the words now.

Charles still didn't seem to take offense. _You put the spikes there on purpose ever since I slipped in your mind. My very presence, after all, threatens the false security you have cultivated to survive the harshness of every day life. I do not blame you for taking the precaution. Erik, I—_

The mental conversation was cut off as soon as Erik's fist landed squarely on the telepath's right cheek, sending him to collapse on the ground.

And even as Charles picked himself up, there was no trace of anger or aggression in his demeanor and voice. His apology that came after was sincere and well-meant that it was incredibly devastating to hear.

"I shouldn't have forced you to open up to me like that," he was saying. "I was wrong to assume that you're ready to do so just because I have shown you nothing but kindness and understanding. Everyone has a different pace, I get that. I'm truly sorry that I caused you stress, Erik. All I wanted was," Charles wiped the blood from his mouth and looked away, almost sheepishly, "to prove that we can be friends, but I mustn't tame you like you're merely some wounded animal I picked up from the streets. You're a person with complicated needs and desires just like everyone else."

Suddenly, he covered his face with his hands. "I feel very terrible, Erik. Sometimes I forget myself…I forget the strength of my power and what it can do to someone who is unwilling to receive it. I hoped," he looked up again to meet Erik's gaze, "I didn't scratch or dent anything of value inside that precious head of yours, my friend. You've been through enough. I don't want to be just another scar…" He stepped away now as he buried his hands deep in his pockets. "I, er, will see you outside then. I'll pack up for the trip. I suggest you do the same. Time is against us, for that you are right."

He left Erik standing there in the corner of the room, more baffled than before. Was he wrong to think that Charles is callous and calculating, seeking to invade people's thoughts because it gives him a sense of perverted joy? Erik glanced down at his shoes as he contemplated some more. He remembered the first time their minds melded while they were underwater. Charles wrapped himself around Erik in a terrifying completeness that drowned out everything else, including the fire in his heart. Erik sighed and started to walk out of the room now, his mind still filled with the event of that fateful night. He had always felt alone his entire life, and Charles broke into that sorrowful reverie and showed him how wrong he had been.

Erik glanced at the Cerebro one last time, recalling the sensations that coursed through his body and jumbled his nerve endings in haywire earlier. And then he realized that he was wrong to assume that the joy in Charles' expression earlier was because he enjoyed the other mutant's pain and misery. It wasn't that at all. Sadly, Erik has yet to figure out what it is.

* * *

They had just finished meeting with the stripper Angel (former, to be exact) and the cab driver Darwin a few hours ago. Convincing them to join the team was not that difficult. It was Alex Summers who spent weeks in solitary confinement that proved to be the toughest of them. But he yielded after much coaxing from Charles. There was just something about the telepath that guarantees one that he or she is making the right choice.

Another hour has passed since Moira arrived with a private jet to pick up the three new recruits and fly them to the agency, and both Charles and Erik stayed behind to look for a man named Logan who outright tells them to fuck off the moment they approached him in the pub. Now the two of them are sitting idly at the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, facing the Washington monument while a chessboard lay between them. They had four rounds of game play earlier, of which the two of them got even scores so far.

Erik was distracted by the bruise on Charles' cheek the entire time they conversed for the rest of that afternoon. No longer able to keep it to himself, Erik spoke up with a ready apology which Charles interrupted.

"I forced your hand," Charles remarked. "I deserved what came after."

"No, I overreacted," Erik countered. "I misunderstood. You tried to communicate your intentions and I simply chose to ignore them. I didn't want to listen to you because you frankly scare me a lot, Charles."

"Is it solely because of the telepathy?"

"You ask a question you seem to already know the answer to."

"My friend," Charles began. "You are hardly the first person to believe my intentions are impure. After all, how can you trust someone with my ability? You can never be sure if I'm manipulating you into trusting me. So as you can see, I hardly ever get angry anymore when someone doubts my sincerity because it's completely logical to assume that I'm abusing my powers. Who's to stop me from doing that anyway?"

"But you don't do it." Erik answered. "You could easily do it, but you don't. I never could understand that."

Charles cocked an eyebrow at him. "Why I hold back and allow people to make choices for themselves when I can make them do otherwise? Well, I suppose you can say that I expect more from myself. If I am a more evolved species, then shouldn't I also put myself in a higher place than others and only use my powers for the betterment of my fellowman?"

Erik tried not to scoff at that but Charles, obviously, could tell he had doubts about that explanation. "No one is that noble and selfless."

"No," Charles replied. "But we are put in this world to aspire for such things and one day accomplish them, even if it takes a million of trials and errors along the way." He glanced across the scenery before them. "We are mutants, Erik, and in our genetics lies not only a biology far evolved than the homo sapiens, but also quite possibly the solutions to the failings of mankind. Perhaps our existence means not only progression for survival's sake, but also the improvement in quality of lives…" he stretched his arms up and breathed in the fresh air around them. "I used to be utterly scared with the burden of my gifts, and some days I still am." He now looked at Erik, smiling. "But it gets easier for me when I have other mutants who share my vision and values. It lightens the load a bit, knowing someone else is within reach for help."

Erik nodded a little and then turned away, unable to bear the almost transcendental expression on Charles' face.

They sat there for a few more minutes before they decided to pack up and leave so they could get started with the recruits.

* * *

"You need to challenge yourself to be a better version of what you already are, Erik," Charles was saying as he directed the other man's attention to the satellite dish a thousand yards away from where they stood in one of the mansion's balconies. They have been training with the rest of the group for weeks now, getting ready for battle.

"I want you to move that, facing us in this direction." Charles said.

"No," Erik answered. "That kind of thing…it's going to take me an enormous amount of power and control to do it."

"And you have that capacity. All you need is to unlock it." Charles explained. "They say true focus lies between the point of rage and serenity."

Erik gave up arguing with Charles a long time ago. He raised both hands to conjure his powers in his fingertips, focusing very hard on the obstacle before him. He thought about Sebastian Shaw and the first time they met in his office, and his request for Erik to move the coin on the table under the threat of his mother getting shot. With that memory in mind, he failed to concentrate on anything else but that familiar grief overtaking the rest of his senses. Charles was astute enough to provide a lifeline, however, and immediately broke into Erik's thoughts.

"Here," he said as Erik turned to face him. "May I?" he wiggled his fingers, indicating that he wanted to slip inside Erik's head again.

The other man said nothing for a few seconds, dreading the touch of the telepath prodding inside the confines of his mind again. The last time that happened, he ended up punching Charles. He was not sure either of them is eager to revisit that again. But there was something about the way Charles looked at him at this precise moment that made Erik nod his head for permission anyway. With their gazes locked with one another, Charles placed his two fingers on his right temple and began the process.

Everything blurred around Erik for a while before it gained focus. He saw candles in front of him, the flames warm and comforting. He felt the touch of a woman's hand, caressing his cheek. It has been a while since he knew he was home and safe—that he was loved. Erik inhaled every inch of the memory before it dissipated. A tear rolled down his cheek which he was too stunned to wipe away. He looked across Charles and saw the telepath weeping to himself. "What did you just do?" he asked.

Charles walked closer to him. "I accessed the brightest corner of your memory system. It was quite beautiful. Thank you."

Erik couldn't speak so Charles continued talking. "I'm very sorry you had to lose her the way you did. But you had some very good years with your family before the war. You grew up happy and sheltered. They loved you, your parents, and gave you everything a young boy could possibly want and so much more." He paused, tearing up again. "I'm sorry. Sifting through people's happy memories like that always affect me this way."

Erik wasn't sure what occurred to him to ask it, but he did. "Why?"

Charles was still looking down, not giving any indication whether he would answer the question or not. Erik placed his hand under his chin so they could look at each other. What he saw in the telepath's eyes was heartbreaking. He looked genuinely torn and lonely for the first time since they met. It was a strange sight to behold and so awful to be a part of.

Unable to verbalize them out loud, Charles decided on speaking through melding their minds together again, _I never had any of my own…_

_Happy memories?_ Erik asked, still holding Charles' chin though he was not aware of it anymore, far too absorbed with those sad blue eyes.

_I was unwanted. My parents were hardly around. They knew there was something wrong with me and avoided me in any way they can. As a baby, one of the long-time maids told me that my mother would often hear me crying in her head from miles away and it almost drove her crazy. They took me to specialists. They tried to fix me. After a while they just gave up and left me to myself. They went on extended business trips, leaving me all alone in this mansion. Even the servants minimize their contact with me. _

Erik lowered his hand but kept his eyes firmly in place. Charles was also showing him his own slate of memories while he spoke; an endless reel of sequences of a boy wandering around by himself in the dead of night, picking up a book to read, sipping some tea in the parlor while having conversations with himself, playing chess with an imaginary friend…

_Raven came into my life and stayed ever since but I suppose we merely kept each other company while we continue to feel alone and restless in our own thoughts and struggles. But at least I had someone to talk to at last, and she had a place to call home. But I never felt like this was home. I never felt I was home anywhere…_

"Charles, I'm…" Erik was feeling nauseous. The telepath's sadness was eating him inside. "I'm sorry," he managed to say.

"Don't be, my friend," Charles shook his head and stepped away a little. "What matters is that you have happy memories inside you still, and you should not hesitate to embrace them every now and then."

"I didn't know I still had those," Erik swallowed the lump in his throat as he looked down at the space between them.

When he looked up again, Charles was smiling at him, his eyes still misty with tears. "There is so much more to you than you know. Not just pain and anger." He walked closer now, placing both hands on Erik's cheeks.

"There's good too," he whispered. "I felt it."

Erik nodded and glanced across the satellite dish from a mile away. He raised his hand with his fingers relaxed. He could feel Charles' soft presence at the back of his mind, urging him in all tenderness to trust and let go.

It took only ten to fifteen seconds for the entire satellite dish to face their direction and the two friends laughed together in victory once it was done. Grinning from ear to ear, Erik placed his hands on Charles' shoulders and pulled him close for an overdue embrace. The telepath felt frail against his more muscular frame but he grasped onto Erik with surprising strength.

Even as they both pulled away, Charles was still embedded in Erik's mind, surrounding him with light and warmth like never before. Erik stared into those soulful blue eyes, now perfectly understanding the look of happiness in Charles' face when he first donned Cerebro weeks ago.

The joy of finding out that you're not alone after all when it was the single and most certain belief in your mind for years is no doubt a saving grace. Erik felt that on the night Charles rescued him from drowning in his quest for vengeance. And Charles felt it a million times over every time he had Cerebro on, listening to the cries of mutants whom he will make his life's mission to save one by one from here on out.

Erik placed his hands on Charles' cheeks this time, absolutely sure about what he needed and most desired. As he leaned in, he could hear his friend's voice resonating beautifully in his mind. It was only silenced the moment their lips grazed one another, each of them testing the water first before finally going for the plunge. Charles' hand was gripping Erik by the back of his head as he lowered him down into the kiss, while his other hand gripped a fistful of Erik's clothing. Erik wrapped his arms around the telepath as he gave up the rest of his senses for the other man's control.

The sound broke through the hinges, so gentle that it barely scraped anything, but with a ceaseless echo it knew just the right amount of pressure to calm and soothe the madness and rage within.

* * *

**To be continued? Reviews will be very much appreciated :)**


	2. Seen

For my friend Elena.

* * *

**Through the Fringes**

**Chapter 02**

**SEEN**

* * *

Charles sat by his study, staring blankly at the tea cup on the table that has been left untouched for twenty minutes now. He was consumed by the events over the last few weeks, the highlight of which was Erik's shocking expression of desire that even a telepath of his caliber did not anticipate.

When Charles melded their minds together, it was only to show his friend that he can also generate power from the goodness in his heart. He knew that part of him has been left unchecked for decades and Charles simply wanted to bring it forth so Erik can be cleansed from the demons that chase him in his sleep. The unexpected effect of that display of kindness was that Erik decided to repay it with a kiss. Charles replayed that moment again when their lips touched; which never ceased to still make him blush no matter how many times he thought about it (or rather, couldn't _stop_ thinking about it).

"Oh god…" Charles lowered his head into his hand and closed his eyes, breathing in and out quietly as he could feel his cheeks burning from that memory. After all, Charles didn't exactly discourage it. To be perfectly frank, he even leaned into it; parting his lips in a hunger he hasn't recognized or felt before until Erik brought it out of him. The closeness of their bodies, and the intense humming that was emitted from their melded minds were enough to make Charles lose control of the rest of his senses (and he had trained himself to endure the most gruelling of mental torments). And he did lose it. He slipped completely and entered a passage in Erik's head that was left untouched for years. It might as well have been a Pandora's box.

The emotions hidden within its container sliced into Charles' focus, almost weakening him, which made it harder to keep them at bay, not when they were insistent on attacking him. He shouldn't have expected any less from a man like Erik to possess such feelings. Even his kiss felt like it can bruise, and Charles had to pull away first and establish restraint between them. Erik was livid and he didn't even look like he wanted to let Charles go at that moment. The most terrifying part of it all was that Charles himself didn't feel like he wanted to be released from Erik's strong grip. He had never been held by someone's arms that possessively before, not even with his share of beautiful but rather forgettable women from the university. With their minds overlapping each other in an irresistible loop of longing and grief, Charles felt the magnitude of how much Erik wanted him—_ached _for him—and it was a rather disturbing discovery though not altogether unpleasant.

And it's not even because he didn't…_like_…_kissing_…_Erik_…_my_…_friend_.

"Goddamn it," Charles caught himself contemplating about the texture and sensation of the other man's lips…his _mouth_…and wanted to throw the tea cup across the other room but managed to control himself.

_How was I able to pull myself away from that anyway?_

He recalled the way Erik's expression darkened once Charles took a few steps away from him. He must have looked rather standoffish, coiling away from his friend like that, especially when Erik reached out once more for another kiss. Charles could feel Erik's desire pressing at the back of his own mind and he tried everything to shake it off but it was so difficult because he shared it as well. He wanted to kiss Erik again. He wanted to jump back in those arms and hold on for dear life.

But he mustn't. They should never have that kind of relationship. It would be too complicated, and their lives have enough complications as it is.

It was a good thing then that the agent Moira called for them from an open window about some news on TV. Charles risked patting Erik on the back before he turned away and left him there for good. He shut his mind from Erik's, afraid of what he may read there in the aftermath of the kiss.

Charles picked up the tea cup at last and finished it even though its lukewarm temperature did not bring him any sort of comfort. He stood up and walked over to the next room where Raven was. He entered the door softly, making sure he doesn't rouse her. As expected, she fell asleep on the wrong side of the bed again and half of her body lousily hung over the edge. She could fall at any moment. Charles smiled and pushed her to the middle as gently as he could, placing a hand under her head while his other hand was on her back as he moved her. She grumbled something unintelligible and pulled him close. He allowed it. He realized that he was lying on top of her now with his head pressed on her chest but this wasn't exactly the first time they ended up tangled together under the sheets.

Though she was not of his blood, he does see her as a little sister, and even as a grown woman, he never had any kind of impure thoughts about her body. She was important to him and he would not allow himself to extend their relationship into something sexual, let alone romantic. Charles didn't think he'd be a good boyfriend—of anyone's, really. For a mind reader, he just doesn't get the inherent dynamics that entail romantic relationships.

"Charles?" Raven slowly awoke. "You pervert bastard. Get off…"

"You were the one who got me into this indelicate position, dear."

"Here," Raven shoved a palm against his head so he'll move away from her. Charles chuckled and followed suit. After he pulled himself up from the bed, he leaned in to peck her on the cheek.

"Sleep well, baby dove."

"Stop calling me that, _god_!" she took a pillow from the side and pressed her face into it. "You go to bed now too, dork!"

Charles chuckled again and gladly obeyed her wishes.

Once he was back in the hallway, Charles hesitated to go to his own bedroom for awhile. He knew that doing that means passing by Erik's chambers. He might pick up something he may not be prepared to hear or face just yet. Besides, he wasn't sure he even did the right way of ending the incident earlier. Erik looked…hurt. Charles tried not to think about his face in fear that he might contact him mentally from where he stood just to check up on him. He shouldn't worry about the other man too much. It's not like Erik is that breakable. He can bend metal to his own will, for crying out loud.

But Erik has been alone in the dark for so many years, and his coping mechanisms are not exactly the healthiest there is. But whose are? In Charles' most sorrowful moments as a child, he remembered inflicting unnecessary psychological pain towards some servants in the mansion when the moods call for it. Now as an adult man, he's not exactly proud of that.

Or he's being unfair to expect the worst from somebody who proved he can be at his best, and that was the Erik whom he had learned to care about over the weeks. He shouldn't stop being his friend just because it's suddenly inconvenient. That's not how it works. Making up his mind, Charles began to walk to the next hallway and then stopped in front of Erik's door.

He knocked a few times. There was no answer.

"It's me. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

He looked down and saw the door knob turn. Erik let him in.

His friend was on the other side of the room though, playing chess by himself on the bed. Charles frowned at that. "I would have accompanied you if you want to play a game." He approached Erik.

"You don't want to be around me anymore," the other man stated it so dismissively that Charles was tempted to probe his real state of mind. But he decided against it. It'd be best to just have a normal conversation. "I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you."

Charles cleared his throat, picking up on the implication of the last statement easily. "I came here on my own volition, didn't I?"

"Why did you?" Erik's question was already accusatory.

"I was worried," Charles placed his hands inside his pockets. He stood there for another few seconds before he offered. "May I?"

Erik narrowed his eyes at him but looked away quickly. He nodded at the side of the bed where it was vacant. Charles sat there.

"This isn't easy for either of us, I know that," Charles began to explain. "But I need you to know that I meant all the things I said when we first met right until earlier this afternoon." He waited for some kind of response but Erik didn't give him any. "I won't go inside your head again unless you allow it."

Now Erik looked up, his gaze very inscrutable. "And what if I never let you do that again? What then?"

"Then I'll be very sad about it," Charles replied honestly. "But if it's the price of earning back your trust, then I'm taking it."

"You're completely clueless about everything, aren't you?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

Erik scoffed and moved a pawn across the other side of the board. "You've been in my head the entire time while I kissed you. You know damn well that I want you everywhere from now on because I already trust you completely. There's no reason to hide away like you're doing now, Charles, not when you showed me just how freeing it is to lay it all out in the open."

To demonstrate his point, Erik took Charles' hand and squeezed it. Charles wasn't sure if he should pull away, or if even wanted to. The other man's grip was reassuring if not intimidating.

"What…are you trying to—listen, Erik, you know we can't."

"Can't?" Erik's eyebrows knit in contrition now. "Can't do what, Charles? I haven't let anyone get close to me ever since the camps; ever since Shaw did what he did to me years go. And you came in and touched me in a way I never thought was possible. And you're just going to take it all away now?"

"No, I…" Charles didn't know what to say anymore.

Erik held his gaze. "Take a closer look at me, Charles."

Charles shook his head.

Erik squeezed his hand tighter. "I dare you. Take a look."

"I know what's going to happen if I do that again." Charles tore his hand away and stood up. "Whatever it is that you wanted to show me, I think it's best that you keep it concealed, for your sake and mine!"

"You're not fooling me," Erik looked strangely relaxed now. "It's not me who's hiding right now. You're the one who's afraid of what you might reveal if you meld our minds!"

"Shut up!" Charles turned away. "I don't need this! I don't want this!"

He took a few breaths to gather his thoughts before he looked across Erik again. "Please," he implored him. "You don't know what you're asking."

"And you don't know what you're refusing."

"Okay," Charles gathered his strength and sat back on the edge of the bed. "What do you think is going to happen if we…engage further?"

"You and your manners," Erik moved the chessboard away with a flick of his wrist. It settled on the table near the window.

"What does that mean?" Charles wasn't pleased because he wasn't sure what Erik was getting at with that proclamation.

Erik leaned his back against the wooden dashboard behind him and asked point-blank. "Have you ever been intimate with another man before?"

"God, no," Charles tried not to sound repulsed by the idea but he considered himself fairly heterosexual—with the exception of what happened earlier in the balcony. A thought occurred to him. "Have you?"

Erik smiled in that cold, detached way of his. Charles knew the answer then. He didn't mean to get embarrassed about that. He could tell his cheeks are flushed now. "That's great, I suppose…" was his mumbled response. He cleared his throat again and spoke up clearly. "When was this?"

"A few years ago while I was travelling Europe."

"Ah."

"Do you want more details?"

"No, no." Charles waved his hands awkwardly in front of him.

"Like I said," Erik smirked. "You and your manners."

"Well, I—" Charles lowered his voice. "I'm not exactly in a position to interrogate you about your…preferences and experiences."

"Why not?" Erik looked puzzled by his indignation.

"Because!"

Erik grinned now. He sat across Charles, looking at him in a way that could not be described with anything else but wicked amusement. He moved away from the dashboard now and was getting closer to where Charles is.

"Erik—" He would have stood up again but the indecipherable look in Erik's eyes stopped him from doing anything.

"You felt like…" Erik was saying in a hushed tone, "sunlight in the skin, warm but not warm enough to burn and leave traces…" he grazed two fingers on Charles' exposed wrist. "That's how it feels when you're in my head; something that's both so intense and mild all at once. You could cut me but you don't. You…" his fingers on Charles' wrist climbed up slowly. "…shower me with earnest compliments, and give me affection like it's the most natural thing in the world to do," he paused and placed his entire hand now on Charles' chest. "But then you showed me you had darkness in your life too, and I wonder how could you be so kind when no one has showed you kindness? How could you be so…" he looked deeply into Charles' eyes now, "…_loving_ when you could have easily hated everything else as I had?"

"Erik…" Charles did not mean to whisper Erik's name in that manner but the other man picked up on it nevertheless.

Both of Erik's hands were on his hair now, massaging his scalp in a slow, rhythmic fashion that could have lulled Charles to sleep easily. But Erik's eyes piercing through him like that kept him in focus.

With his hands still on his head like that, Erik pulled Charles closer to him and Charles complied. They stopped once Erik was on his back against the bed with Charles above him. Even then, neither of them dared to seal the final distance between. Erik continued caressing Charles' hair and Charles tried not to open his mind and read Erik's thoughts. He didn't feel like he had to anyway. His gaze and touch were enough proof how much the other man wanted him, and Charles was afraid of what that would mean in the grand scheme of things. Nobody had ever wanted Charles, and certainly not in this extent. He closed his eyes now, breathing out the tension compressing in his chest as he stayed in this position. Erik pulled him down again and he willingly followed, finding that resistance is not something he's strong enough to do.

Erik's lips against his own set every nerve ending on his body ablaze. He felt pleasurable sensations surrounding him outside and within the trenches of his mind. The pressure of the kiss was still gentle but the emotions that it inspired were running amok in both their shared consciousness. Charles had opened the portal without even being in complete control of it and now their connection was undeniably stronger than before. Erik deepened the kiss as he wrapped his arms around Charles in a possessive embrace, moaning into his mouth as if his life force depended upon it.

_Oh, god, no…_ Charles burrowed his fingernails into Erik's shoulders and shuddered. He tried to lower the gauge of his telepathy but Erik's mind was too irresistible not to prod further. There were words forming now; and the aura he emits was a bright yellow with dark purple streaks. It was an unusual one that Charles has not encountered before but it felt like the safest thing to touch so he did just that. He could hear Erik speaking loudly in their melded minds too—in three foreign languages to be exact—and Charles was not sure he wanted to know what they meant.

The one in English was already unravelling him after all.

_You're mine_, it whispered with a deadly intention rife with maddening desire. _You're mine and mine alone. And I could be yours. Just ask, Charles._

_No,_ Charles whispered back. _No, please. This is…too much._

_Just ask, Charles._

Erik adjusted their positions into something more comfortable and would provide him more room and access to touch Charles freely. Chess pieces fell on the floor when they shifted their bodies so that Erik was now on top. Charles slightly tried to wriggle free and made whimpering sounds.

_Why are you still fighting this?_

_I don't know._

Erik kissed him hard on the mouth now, leaving Charles no choice but to give in to the swirling and dizzying array of gratifying vibrations that both their bodies are wrapped up in. _God, I don't know. This feels gooooooo.._

Erik lowered himself to Charles' collar so he can kiss and nibble the sensitive spot of his flesh there. Charles' mind went blank for a moment and started back up as soon as Erik pulled away to unbutton the rest of his shirt.

.._ooooooood. Wait, stop._

_You don't really mean that, Charles._

_You don't know me!_

"You're such an adorable little geek," Erik chuckled as he successfully finished unbuttoning the other man.

"Wait, please!" Charles sat up and pushed Erik slightly away. "Listen to me, this is…going too fast. I'm not sure we're heading in the right direction." He clasped his shirt close with one hand while the other rested on Erik's chest, keeping him in that short distance. "Please understand that this is all new to me. I never had a man…I had women, sure, but this is different because you're _you_ and…god, I'm not being very coherent. But let me try and explain how I…" he swallowed something hard at the back of his throat and then went on. "You're my friend, Erik. And that will always come first. But I would admit our relationship had its…exceptional moments. One of which is…_this_ rather bizarre arrangement. I feel like we should keep it…" he trailed off now as he watched Erik's expression changed from neutral to a wide grin.

"Please take me seriously!"

"But I am, Charles," Erik ignored Charles' hand on his chest and moved closer anyway, placing a gentle kiss on the telepath's left temple. "This is not a joke to me. Being with you in this capacity—I have never taken anything more seriously in my life than this moment right now with you."

Charles now blinked in awe and from the flush or arousal earlier. He knew Erik to be a straightforward and candid man so the last statement was as serious as it gets, but Charles wasn't sure how to process the new information. It was equally flattering and awkward to be on the receiving end of affections from a man like Erik Lehnsherr. He didn't think it was even possible to find himself rather _smitten _with another man but here he is.

He smiled nonetheless, trying to make things less weird. "Good," Charles breathed out a sigh of relief and tried not to stare into Erik's eyes as he continued speaking. "I know how much this means to you. Of course, I do." Something in Erik's face lit up when he said that. Charles chose to ignore it. "But I would ask you to respect my decision to…set this aside for the time being. You must understand that I have never allowed…a man of your gifts to, well," he chuckled now, "get me all worked up like this."

"A man of my gifts…" There's a twinkle in Erik's eyes that Charles wasn't sure he liked. He looked away from his friend again as he buttoned back his shirt. He could tell Erik was disappointed but he does seem to understand Charles' request for some space which the other man was relieved with, considering that this is too much for either of them to handle right now.

"I'm going to bed now," Charles announced rather sheepishly and stupidly. Erik just nodded as he bent down to pick the chess pieces on the floor. For some reason Charles didn't feel like leaving just yet so he helped pick them up. Erik glanced at him and smirked.

"For someone who's so eager to get away, you sure know how to linger…" he murmured as he leaned closer to his ear.

Charles instinctively moved away and let out a nervous chuckle. "I didn't want to be discourteous."

"Right," Erik sounded suspicious so Charles patted his back and started to walk to the opposite end of the bed.

"Well then," he cleared his throat. "Sleep well, my friend."

A thoughtful look passed Erik's face. "Will you be listening in?"

_He meant the nightmares,_ Charles frowned. "I won't if you don't want me to. I never should have maintained contact the first time I felt it across the hallway. But I saw no other choice but to help you calm your mind."

"So you were there again?" Erik inquired. "You've been helping me sleep since we moved here in the mansion?"

"Yes," Charles admitted. "It pains me to see you suffering, Erik."

Erik just gazed at him with the gravest expression he had ever seen. Charles stayed put, knowing that there's something more he needs to say. A few more seconds passed and Charles was starting to think he may not have the words at all so he made a motion to walk out of the room. That was when he heard Erik speak up at last. "I don't mind you lingering…"

"Sorry?" Charles turned to look at him as he opened the door.

Erik pointed at his temple. "In here."

Charles smiled a little. He knew what that meant. "Okay, Erik. I'll see you in your dreams later. Thank you for letting me in."

Erik opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He pursed his lips together and waited for Charles to leave.

"Goodnight," Charles softly closed the door behind him but kept the line of communication between them open for the rest of the night.


End file.
